Aging Into Playfulness

Slumber Party by the lazyba via Flickr

Childhood Interrupted

I never played like a kid. The Puritan work ethic was pounded into me and my siblings. Idleness was not an option. Laughing and goofing around was frivolous. We never owned a TV, so we were also out of step with popular culture.

When I was growing up I studied the violin and piano, excelled in school, and lost myself in books. Good grades, good achievements, good behavior, good girl. During recess in elementary school I would sit in a tree, ignoring my peers while I read. Really! Not a “good time girl”.

In the 5th grade I was invited to a slumber party along with a number of other girls. I managed to make a total pill of myself by pompously telling the other frolicking girls to “Shush and go to sleep” because I had to get up and go to my (very important) music lessons the next day. That was the last time I was invited to a slumber party.

In high school, I would hurry from one class to the next, never stopping to talk in the halls. I did all my homework between classes and never carried books home. I was a bore, and my social life was non-existent–kind of an honor student combination of Jane Eyre and Stephen King’s Carrie.

Hard Wired for Work

Biking Through the ‘Hood

After leaving home, I discovered real friends and lovers, but was still socially awkward. Planning, organizing, coaching, and pulling all the unrelated pieces together to ultimately create something new and exciting was my idea of a great time. My coworkers enjoyed me because I was interesting, creative, and slightly odd/exotic. I felt good as long as I was working on a project and working toward a goal. Thus, I was rarely idle. I never felt right unless I was going, going, going.

Sometime along the way I did learn to enjoy the five senses–whether it was through food, a wide variety of music, art, conversation, or traveling. Learning and problem solving have been deep pleasures throughout my life. Fortunately, after adding loved ones for a lifetime, my values have evolved.

Aging into Playfulness

Basketball???

I now live in a vibrant college town with four distinct and enjoyable seasons, lots of outdoor recreation options, endless opportunities for learning and culture, and relaxed, kind friends and neighbors. I am shocked to recognize I have no major problems.

How can this be? What is my purpose in life if I cannot be a problem solver? As each day unfolds in greater contentment, I find myself restlessly trying to figure out what is wrong so I can fix it. Without problems to solve I start to panic. Do I have any real value? What is my purpose?

My wonderfully wise girlfriend, Tanya, advised me. “Instead of looking at what could possible be wrong and trying to fix it, why don’t you take a deep breath every time those nasty ‘fix-it’ needs surface and just ask yourself, ‘What is right about my life at this very moment?’ Don’t you get it that you have problem solved yourself into a happy life–the kind of life most of us are still trying to achieve?”

Can You Learn How to Play?

For the last week I have practiced playing–like the child I never was. I am aging into playfulness.

Dancing in the Park

Until this spring I had not ridden a bicycle in 50 years. Now I am restless if several days pass between rides. On Friday morning crawled out of bed at dawn and went for a bike ride while the deer and rabbits were out and the mist was still on the ground.

I never played games as a kid, so I don’t know any games. On Saturday I spent four hours at a German picnic in the woods where I learned all about the game of dominoes. I loved it when I won and was content when I did not. The noisy masses ate wurst and sauerkraut, danced to a live polka band, and loudly talked, argued and laughed. No electronic media, just good jolly company. I belonged.

Row Boats and Kayaks

Yesterday, David and I shut down our computers at 4 pm, drove 20 minutes north, rented a creaking row boat, and dropped our fishing lines into a glass smooth lake as the day crept into twilight. I haven’t fished since I was twelve. We peacefully shared our space with a flock of sand cranes, a blue heron, and curious turtles. We didn’t catch anything, nor did we care.

On two different nights friends met us for dinner. The dog and I are expanding the length of our walks. I kayaked for the first time two weeks ago. This Friday I am being introduced to the beauty and wonder of minor league baseball as the Toledo Mud Hens face off with the Durham Bulls. And I continue to ask “What should I do next?” Each time that ugly thought rises up, I ask myself, ” What is good right now?” and the answer comes back…”Everything”.

Major and Minor League Baseball

Playing is a Process

Maybe I can be rewired to enjoy every moment in that moment. I do know that nature, beauty and love should be recognized and cherished in the Now. We should choose friends that both challenge and accept us.

The best thing about aging is that the longer we live, the better chance we have of experiencing what we missed earlier in life. I have to tell myself to “go out and play”, but at least I know what play is. And I am getting better at it.